Masterpiece.

Like a fool, had everything, but with an empty soul. Hungering, desiring a heart satisfied.
I had been wondering what I had done: wondering, have I ever done what is right before You our GOD, hoping that I have been more a blessing than hurts. Wondering have I failed You and vain Your grace upon me. Hoping, to have a life to its fullest.

As I walked day by day, pride accumulate, things get into Your way. Decisions, mine, no longer Yours. The Christmas gift almost 2 years ago, the commitment I had always been making, I seems to have forgotten. Am I of anything? But dusts on the ground, without You, am I of anything? If not Your love that searched me, I am but a worm, dead by now.

Friends of my life, you could not have believe what Raymond was, if not the touch on my heart. I might be a man without vision, a loafer without purpose, unmarked criminals hurting others, an ungrateful hypocrite, and a dying soul, destroying his and others’ lives. Perverse, not-to-be forgiven, meaningless, useless. My life was made in Him, my weakness perfected in His strength, I found my hope in Christ, my purpose to live on. My strength to walk on. Remembering how He persevered to walk the Calvary's road just to love me, love you. That the last darkness in life would be gone.

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And I now, though I have been walking in Your salvation, singing Your freedom songs, I always took over the driver’s seat, trying to drive my own life. Have I not remember, the days of Your hands, that led me through my darkest moments into a bright new Day in my life?

“Raymond = God’s masterpiece.”
You bet! Me? Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

13TH SEPT 2009 – I have been really tired after two weeks of trials. And when I closed my books, and sometimes, wander off into my own thoughts. I felt really tired, wondering, have I done what is right so far? Have I been honoring Who I should have honored? I felt my soul getting drier; I no longer have that “oomph” to walk on. Heads down, knees on the ground, no tears to cry. Seeking for moisture for my soul in this walk of Sahara. So, I prayed, “God, bring me back to You.”

As I walked on into the service, I felt dry, nothing in my heart, or, everything is in my head, I was telling my friend about it, and while I was almost going to send a really desperate message to my someone, it sounded like this: “too much a feeling to bear, too many thoughts of mine, too hard to continue, too difficult to decide; I’m left with nothing, no hope, no strength, no place to stand, all except Christ, nothing but His perseverance to love us.” . I almost send it, when the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “wait.” And so I wait. You couldn’t believe what exactly had happened next.

Dr Alex spoke on “essential ingredients for spiritual growth”, and he showed us, some trees actually lived, thousands of years. Some was even there through the years when our Lord walked on Earth. He spoke to us, that we actually, being renewed in Christ, lack nothing to grow, but sometimes, we just forgotten who we are. We sometimes are like Eagles living among chicks, have the ability to soar, but thought we couldn’t. And last of all in a video, I cried.

I have been wondering: what am I actually? I have no talents like Hannah Montana or any other. I have been looking at others playing musical instruments, while I am a music-idiot, perhaps because of the indifference towards music after a slap on the face by my standard 1 music teacher. “Excuses” sometimes I would tell myself. I planned what I wanted to do. I hoped give something to my friend in a Bible study, yet I felt I leave him question mark. I wanted, I planned, I desired, I longed. Going with ME headfirst, I have been waking up, feeling like a failure, “Raymond, you have failed again. Again and again.” I do not know really where I am heading with my life.

And in the 10 minutes video, God spoke to me, “Hey, you are my masterpiece, who do you think you are? I don’t make junk.” And I couldn’t hold my tears. I don’t know why, but just that He is, always there when I need someone to cry with. “Not those talents dear son, not those things that you wanted, but you and Me, in this walk.” And one essential ingredient is, our response. What have been? Come on Raymond, it is not about you, not about your work; but about God’s story of you, about God’s work!

Could you imagine, an Emperor, a Father, owning everything, but also gives you everything. A King, yet would leave His throne, to call you His brother. To die for You.

All the walls in my heart was broken, strongholds torn down. And I’m freed, once again, to sing salvation songs.

And I wrote these down, don’t really know how it sounds, but well, more like a prayer, my prayer is that,

“our God’s name be honored,
His people be filled with love.
And I pray I would love God, not just by loving me myself, but would love God by loving others, by loving God. And with whatever strength that I’m left, I’ll commit my soul back to You now. Amen.”

And my song that I jotted down last Sunday, (:

My heart trembles away,
My soul wanders away,
at the sight of Your love,
I’m back in one piece.

Is that what we’re destined to be?
Are we always a fail,
have we ever forget,
Your joy and your peace?

Have we ever wonder,
when we look at ourselves,
are we nothing but shells,
a man without soul, and
a life without love.

Have the pride taken control,
Have our freedom songs cease?

Have the song of grateful hearts,
leave without a sign?

Teach us come back to You,
Chisel out the sin in our life.
Take it all it takes,
we give You all we are.

Make us Your masterpiece, as it is Your plan!
Make us Your masterpiece, once again!!

Refine our souls.
Make it for the Day,
the Day when trials come,
and swords will shed blood,
eyes will shed tears.

Let us never be afraid,
of the man that sheds blood,
but cannot do to our souls,
any of it.

But let us rejoice,
as we make our lives Yours,
let Your church be filled with love,
as the song we praise, make it dear to You.

Abba Father, our Potter,
take our lives from the miry clay,
make us anew into Your great plan,
make us the salt and the light,
In the world of darkened souls.

Let us discern Your call,
Let us never forget,
Who brought us to the Solid Rock,
in this crushing away,
of the current of the world.

I'll always love You. :)