Broken.

It has been really really long ever since I last typed something here. As you grow older time flies, it flew so quick and hi and goodbyes became more frequent and you'd wonder why at all. Things happened to people around, or perhaps, to you, but you never realised. And you wonder at all, do you really know what's happening? Do you really know the people around you?

There's so many lecturers that leaving us. And so many friends that are leaving for studies.

I don't know what happened, but for a real long time[at least, I don't remember since when I have that thought] I've been thinking about what would happened if I'm dead. Would people around me, those people I cherished most, remember me? Or at least, come for my funeral? And would I be leaving a blessing, or just, nothing? Would someone said to his or her friend, "this guy, has done something in my life, though it has been long since the Lord took him home."? Are they thoughts of leaving a legacy, pushing me to live a life more meaningful, or perhaps am I self-glorifying? I hope it's the former, never the latter. And only few most important questions that I've summarise: Have I truly live a life as a signpost, one that point to truth and life, and a home that worth for eternal blessings and not destruction? Have I at least, point them to the Lord who loves us enough to die for us?

People have been saying that "he's "holy", he is the last person i'd think of to do that, he is a nice guy, he is ...[I should stop all these]" it sounds a little unsound sometimes. which one really knows me and would stand with me side by side as soldiers in this tough Fight? Which can I call best friend? And what then is best friend? And to those who may be saying that you are my best friend, may I ask, have I been one for you?

I don't think there's such a thing call "you've grown too fast", is there? But really, there's so much more that I've not known.

Recently, I've been thinking about lots of stuff. I've come to a point where I know that I can't like anyone, at least now. For I've been too fickle, wherever I go somewhere, met new people, I'm attracted to this or that girl.

And li yang has a real wise point, he read and shared with me from a book titled "kissing dating goodbye", "that we shouldn't get into relationship until we treat girls as how they should be treated, not with the intent that one day she can become our girlfriend." That really struck me, I don't know why, or since when, I failed to treat girls as persons. I felt sorry. It's not because it's not true that each girl has a possibility of become my partner in life, but because I'm not really honoring them as persons, as precious of God.

I've watched Toy Story 3 and I'm guilty, for my heart have not been pure.

Some guys always talked about girls, talked about their figures and everything, and some said that masturbating is healthy, some say pornography is not wrong because everyone watches it. But what makes an action right or wrong? Where's the honor and where's the integrity that guys should give ladies? And where's the integrity and dignity of gentlemen? Where's this love the world lost? People sang love, talked love, whisper love, or even make love,but my foot, what in the world was that? I hope that the first line of this paragraph, those words "some" will not be replaced by "most", and never "all".

I once read an article about child prostituting and sex-trafficking, and there's this picture, showing an innocent girl, crying, trying to hide herself, facing the wall, and there's a guy, half naked, that approaches her, trying to hold her arms. And the caption there wrote something like: "a customer is trying to woo a young girl." The girl is just about preteen age I guessed. and what tomorrow would she have faced? What childhood could she have? And I wonder, what is the photographer doing? What "woo"? Is the little girl nothing more than an animal? Perhaps evolution theory got too much into the head of these people. Deep sadness.

I wonder how many children in the world is crying. I wonder how many nights they've been crying, hoping to see the dawn in their dusk of lives where they should be with their family, in shopping centres enjoying dinner. but... could anyone blame God for what human did? Is it not our society has turned us into?

the love of money has swollen governments, hearts, families and so much more. For the profit, a government would allow her people to be taken over by drugs and cigarettes. For the profit, a person would sell a innocent child to another, to fulfill the lustful cravings. Oh dear.

There's such an irony there, some that have a chance to protect themselves and honor their body did not do so; yet some, were never given a chance till when they are able, and by that time, perhaps it's too late, or just, they sunk too deep to have that desire to get a new life. And in the midst of these horror that's happening, where do we, those who are luckier, or blessed, stand? Are we just like those animals out there that called themselves human, or someone who could make a difference?

Thank You Lord, for giving us a reason for existence, thank You for we know we're fearfully and wonderfully made, and You have a plan and hope to prosper us, to give us a future and a hope. Use us to make that difference here on this broken earth.

- Almost reaching the end of 2010. :)