I was determined, but He has a better plan for me.
I was pressed down,my soul cries,
my heart was aching so was my eyes swollen on a Good Friday night.
I've never rejected going to a church function,
When my dad was saying Matha and Mary,
I cannot help but to let my tears flow right down.
So I cried,
"O my God, take me away, bring me back to you;
I really know not what to do.
Please take me back.
Though I am only 17, but O my God, I am really standing at the cliff of giving up, ready to jump down.
"O my son, hear my voice and know that I'm with you"
"My grace is sufficient for you. And my power is made perfect in Your weaknesses."
"Lord I am weak and frail, I know nothing, I failed everything and now my soul -
a restless soul, I really know not what to do."
- Hormones acting in my body, and my thoughts were filthy.
I did too many things that I wouldn't in too short a period of time.
" O Abah, who knows me O God, who could possibly know me?
talking like a preacher and living like a sinner, am I not a hypocrite?"
"O son, how I could I possibly knew nothing that you felt?"
"O Lord, I'm an unworthy servant, why would You love me so much? Why would You ever take notice of me? I've failed You like I've never before. I've sinned, against my God who loves me."
I've forgotten what is right and wrong, I do not know where is my priority and I've failed to remember the most important thing. It was week of a restless soul. I was tired out every night, sleeping right after dinner till the next morning. Events after events, work after work, I tried to minimise talking to anyone. I've no time for family, no time for the people around me.
"It doesn't really matters now, all is done and all is said, and our God has spoken, ' It is finished' "
So my soul, it cries out and know not what is the right response.
"Because I live, you too shall live. And it is to forgive your all your wrong deeds that I died on that tree."
Knowledge of principles, words of mouth, theories all I might have, but it is futile, I gain nothing,
for in applications, not a fraction of them was I be able to apply in my life.
' Life is not easy, life is not simple, so it seems, so it seems."
I was left with no one else, except You O God, no one understands me,
I don't know if it is my fault that other people don't understand me?
But why, O Lord, have I been striving so hard? Real hard.
But God, only You are with me, even when my friends left me,
even when I need friends, none of them are with me, but You are.
Risen Lord, let me remember till I see You face to face,
that You have conquered Man's greatest enemy.
And You have make it possible for Acceptance.
Cast it all away, cast it all out,
Cry it all away, though my eyes are swollen, only
"Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art,
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light
Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word,
I ever with Thee, and Thou with me Lord,
Thou my Great Father and I Thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my breast-plate, my sword for the fight,
Be Thou my armour, and be Thou my might,
Thou my soul's shelter, and Thou my high tower,
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor Man's empty praise,
Thou my inheritance, through all my days,
Thou and Thou only, the first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art,
High King of Heaven, when the battle is done,
Grant Heaven's joy to me, bright Heaven's sun,
Christ of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be Thou my vision, O Ruler of all."
[I really don't know how, I was sinnging this song, whenever I was alone and so down in the week, and on Good Friday's night, my dad actually sent me an e-mail, with exactly the same hymm]
Only let me be quick in Love, or rather, in Love. amen.
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