weakness, we all have.

As I read Max's book, I was so troubled, and finally, resolved, I was discovering myself, my weakness.

I have been really troubled by this actually, it taunts me, it flooded my mind times after times when I see what my peers did (although it wasn't a good-thing that they did it, but still..). I wonder why since young I'm so having phobia over it. Each touch of it could excite goosebums all over my body. Yaik.

Just last weekend, I was so distracted by it, in fact many days of my life it had cause me to be closed in a box, perhaps 2 by 2 by 2 cubic feet. It makes me forget about everything, I don't know why at all. And it leads me to many misdeeds or sins, whichever you prefer to call it, months ago, whenever it tempts me, I'm, well, overpowered by it, ruled, and then reduced to a deeply guilt strickened soul.

Yet, last weekend, I made a deal, okay, or pledge of my heart, my heart was raised, head lifted, I know, even if they are good, or hot, or whatever, get to nerves and hormones, it's not important, for man sees things, and man may plan, but God decides his step. So, that's it. I'll focus.

And the Sunday sermon was a thrust, I don't really know why, but for many times, it resounds, and deal with just the exact thing I've been questioning and facing. As the other time, when I ask and wonder: Angels? What are they?. okay, sidetrack again, it thrusts me, enforce me to a height that my heart can fixed that, Jesus Christ, my lover is all who matters.

And now to remember it, there was once, half a year after a class, only I realised the lesson taught in that class, everyone have disabilities, since the very first pot dropped by its own, the inner of it always have a crack. That was what I learnt in first year community service which I was assigned to talk to strangers in a shopping complex, after talking with the officer after that, impressed by his insights, I was brought to think: why is it easier for me to talk to people I don't know in the homes of the disabled, and not those in shopping complexes?

Have the many times we talk to those 'normal' people similar to how we talk to the 'disabled'? Have I a compassion or kind-heart for others?

Only if shaped, refined by the Potter, are we going to be perfected. We may together strengthen one another, edify each other (though hardly), there will still be this chip that is not there. Something doesn't seem right.

And there's this time, when I, okay, you may say infatuated, anyway, after almost half a decades, I still find her perfect, (alright, perhaps I don't know her well). And I keep finding and finding, all sorts of answers for all sorts of questions, oh dear, now to think of it. vanity of vanities. Guess what then, now the Potter brought me to see my log in my eyes.

It's really good that now I know what exacty is one of the greatest weaknesses I have. So what now, built the walls, strengthen that weakness? No, it doesn't matter if my enemy raged against that wall any longer, for I know, a wing covered me. A tower of refuge I can hold on to.

In Christ alone, my hope is found. My iniquities overshadowed by His blood of grace.